Metaphor

 You know how sometimes you get so overwhelmed with something that the only way you can express it is by using metaphors that others can identify with? There is just no other way to convey the reality of the situation. Then, you know how that thing happens where all your metaphors suck, they are not anything anyone can identify with,  and nobody can figure out what the hell your talking about anyway?

You end up starting every sentence with "You know" because you can't think of any other lead ins but you keep repeating it anyway and hope nobody notices.  Then you realize that the things you've written aren't actually even metaphors.

 

Anyway, You know that feeling about 30 seconds after you stub the ever loving shit out of your toe and the excruciating pain subsides just enough to take a step?  Then on that very first step you STUB YOUR TOE AGAIN? 

Well this is nothing like that.

When I was a little girl I had this pink plastic pool that my mom would fill up in the summers for me to splash around in.  We would set it up right in the middle of this large open sunny lot right next to our apartment so my mother could see me playing from our porch.  On one special summer day while splashing around and being merry I had the most brilliant idea.  Being the safety conscious and well educated child that I was, I decided that I would sprint through the grass from about 20 yards away and dive into the 18" deep pool.  On this particular day my mom happened to be holding a camera.

Things went well for most of the sprinting part.  I could see my mom watching me so I was doing my best to run extra fast and be extra awesome.  When I got to about 3 feet away from the pool I firmly planted my "jumping off" foot onto a BEE.  The bee stung the bottom of my foot, and instead of the killer awesome dive that would make me so popular and cool that I had been planning, I launched face first into the pool.  I SLAMMED in, smashed my head into the side and laid there screaming with both legs sticking up, hanging out and over the other side of the pool.  I think I laid there hamming it up for a good 10 minutes until my dear mother was finished with her photography and came to assist me.

My point is this- Opening up a box of Nfu-Oh polishes is the exact opposite of a bee sting that results in a mild water related concussion. With or without photos.

Have you ever been fiddling around outside, just doing some random task like replanting a dead plant that will never recover from your neglect.  Or trying to catch a lizard off your A.C unit before it falls into the fan of death, and look up to see a deer?  A FREAKIN DEER!  That fluttery moment of shock and excitement?

Shhhh, don't scare it away.  It doesn't see us yet.

This is exactly like that.

So after my in depth analysis and lengthy test trial (less than 24 hrs) I can say with absolute certainty that there are only two things in the world I love more than this polish; My Honeydew and the Manatee.  Sorry to my BFF and Mom. I love you but I'm not IN love with you. It's not you it's me. Let's still be friends etc.