Thanks for the free swatches Sally.

GAH!

Why can't I learn my lesson about Sally Hansen?  I saw the new HD polishes at CVS last night for the first time and about DIED over Laser. I mean it's about the most beautiful thing ever in the bottle under the florescents at CVS.  Then the advertisement photo really did me in.  I stood there with Laser in my hand looking at the picture above the display, marveling at the blue and purple rainbow effect, literally WHINING. I was whining like a 6 year old in the candy isle, for REAL. I ended up leaving without it, then begging my fiance in the safety of the car to buy it for me.  I then took his $6.50 and went BACK in CVS to buy it. 

Laser will officially be the first nail polish I TAKE BACK.  WTF Sally? Why did I have to actually loose count of the amount of coats this polish took to even get CLOSE to bottle color? Was it 4 coats? Was it 5?  I DON'T EVEN KNOW.  Not to mention WHERE IS THE PURPLE???? Seriously, the purple that shows up in the display picture and even in the bottle is NOWHERE to be seen on the nail. NOWHERE!

I NEVER spend more than $2 on drug store polish as a rule.  And now I have learned my lesson for breaking that rule. I mean COME ON. $5.99 for this sheer, false advertising, waste of time? That is enough for 2 China Glazes or 3 sinful colors people.  That is half the cost of an Nfu-oh for god sakes! 

Observe:

Here it is in the shade. Don't be fooled dudes. It only SEEMS opaque in the shade. I kinda see the purple in the bottle...but none on the nail. OK lets try some sunshine.

Okay now I really see the purple in the sides of the bottle...and guess what else I really see? I really see RIGHT THROUGH THE POLISH.

Lets try some flash action...  Still no purple.

How about some REALLY bright sunlight. Nope. No purple. See how SHEER this stupid thing is? This is 4-5 coats! The only reason you can't see through the polish on all my nails is because the bottle is behind them.

I am seriously going to drive the 20 mins back to CVS and return this ONE polish, but thanks for the free swatches Sally!

Love, MM

Summer nails and FAILS

I've been feeling a bit off lately so naturally my nail painting patterns have followed suit. This has resulted in me painting my nails all sorts of summery pastels and impulse buying all kinds of super girly rhinestones and nail art thingies on ebay. One of the things I got is a nail art stamping kit. Yeah, I've had konad before and gave up after 3 tries but I bought it AGAIN to give it another go. Before we get into the horrific FAILS I have captured on film let me get all these cutesy summer pictures out of the way. 

It all started out innocently enough as seen above.  I actually really love Jasmine. But sooner or later things always seem to take a turn for the worse when it comes to pastels and me. 

This is Misa Push up bra with craptastic chevron tips in Misa's shake it to the samba.

Here we have Misa Jester ate the king cake with Misa Blame it on fat tuesday.  Borderline fail.

Okay. Now let's see what happens when Manatee Mama feels a little under the weather and is high on dayquil for a week. 

Sweet lord.  This is my first attempt at stamping. Feast your eyes on the fail people. 

If you can see past the neon yellow ring fingernail check out the horrid color combo and terrible stamping application...This was attempt number 2. 

HOLY CRAP.  This is what happens when you get fed up with failing at stamping and try some free hand nail art instead. Notice the smeared ring finger and tacky 3-D flower. Yes, I bought those flowers on PURPOSE in 4 different colors.  I guess four different pastels painted with mix matched chevrons just wasn't QUITE summery enough for me, OH NO. I need a 3-D flower with a little jewel in the center to REALLY say summer with my nails. Sad.

I hope you all learn something from this.  Cheers to summertime nails applied using a healthy amount of RESTRAINT.  

Love, MM

Thanks Tina!

Welp, the floodgates are open all thanks to Tinab123.  Why did you have to coerce me into trying Nubar Tina?  I violently refused your offer to swap me some Nubar, Tina, and you FORCED me to try it.  SHE FORCED ME, people.  You know I am a compulsive polish hoarder and I would become obsessed .  Until now I have successfully avoided trying Nubar so I could focus on collecting 10 or so other brands before I opened yet another floodgate.  Well that plan FAILED.  We will just throw that plan in the trash to keep all my other failed plans company. 

This is 2 coats of the glorious, habit forming Nubar Forest.  If there was a polish to addict you to a certain brand, this would be IT.  How perfect.  I absolutely adore this Tina.  Thank you so much for corrupting my fragile little comfort zone.  I love it!

I mean, so what if the transaction actually went more like this-

TINAB123: Hey, you wanna try some Nubar Manatee Mama?

MANATEEMAMA: Damn right, Tina!

That is totally irrelevant and how dare you bring that up at a time like this?  

Lessons From the Looney Bin- Lesson One.

 Lesson one: LEAVE IT ALONE.

Polishing your nails and nail art in general are super addicting. So addicting that many a manicure gets ruined simply because it's so tempting to keep screwing with it. 

Whether it be a slightly crooked side line in your polish, a tiny imperfection in the finish or some wicked good nail art. It's a practice in extreme self discipline to simply leave it alone.

Why do we need to learn to leave it alone? Because 99.9% of the time a slightly imperfect application will be 100% better than a tinkered with final result. In other words, trying to fix it will almost always totally mess it up.

For example. You paint your nails. BUT there is a small bit of polish near your cuticle that is crooked. NOW is the time to practice lesson 1.  Leave it alone. Because if you don't and you grab your polish to do another coat to fix it, BAM! Now you have polish all over your skin, you get a huge dent or it never freaking dries because you made it an inch thick trying to cover a teensy weensy blemish.

Nail art is the hardest area in which to practice lesson one. It is nearly impossible to stop yourself and leave it alone. Why do you think nail art always looks so freakin gaudy? Because they couldn't just leave it ALONE!

Feast your eyes on this example:

You decide to do a little nail art. Cool. Your feeling like you want a bold yet understated and classy mani so you choose China Glaze- For Audrey as your base color. The perfect, classy,Tiffany blue. 2 coats. Great start!

You grab Orly's Wild Wisteria because it's your current favorite polish and bust out a nearly perfect chevron style french manicure.

Looks awesome! You love it! But...do you leave it alone? You really SHOULD. But alas, you just can't. You've gotten a confidence boost from how well you pulled off the chevron and are positive you can further awesomize it.

Um, okay.

Now you've added a hot pink tip in Sinful Colors- Cha Cha Red, AND striped it in with a black nail striper. You are feeling an 80's vibe over riding this overwhelmingly NOT classy and NOT understated mani so you decide to run with it. 

Dear Lord.

Welp, you've accomplished 80's alright. Not exactly a happy memories, cool accessories, great music 80's though. More like a haven't showered, shopped at goodwill, and then picked a glitter headband out of a garbage can type of 80's.

So, by adding a pink stripe AND an additional silver stripe you've now done nothing but ruin your previously perfect black stripe from the previous step...gotta fix it right?

*Sigh*

Well, there IS a positive here. You've effectively fixed the black stripe you ruined. YAY! But, what's with the dots? Why did you have to add those 90's nail salon window poster dots? Oh, I remember. Because you just can't leave it alone. Well there is only one solution to any polish dilemma right? 

GLITTER!

Ack! Now look what you've done! This mani is like totally the perfect bold yet understated CLASSY look you were going for huh? 

Fail.

An unfruitful, frantic search for your high school leg warmers and half a gallon of acetone later. This is the look you end up sporting because you've spent an hour doing nail art and you are too annoyed, frustrated and late to do that pretty, simple chevron again.

Lesson learned. Leave it Alone.